Kids say the darndest things!

C: "What is gluton?"

Dad: "It's found in grains."

C: "Wow! I bet zombies like gluton then!"

Dad: "Grains, honey. Not brains."

- C (age 11)

Kids say the darndest things!

"I love you 'many veries' much."

- C (age ten)

Kids say the darndest things!

C: "I'm not afraid of zombies, Dad."

Dad: "Why not?"

C: "Because I'm really good at making friends."

- C (age ten)

Kids say the darndest things!

Watching the Monty Python and the Holy Grail scene where the little white rabbit causes Sir Robin to soil his armor, then soil it again... "Wait a minute. How can you do that twice?" - C (age ten)

Kids say the darndest things!

"I don't like the circle of life right now, Dad." - C (age ten)

Kids say the darndest things!

Today, C fell down rather dramatically while getting ready for school. She wasn't hurt. Dad: "Wow. You ok? What happened?" C (pulling on the back of her pants): "I fell down in a really heavy backpack holding a Post-It note with really wedgy pants!" - C (age ten)

Kids say the darndest things!

Took C to Starbucks this morning and on the way back she asked me about a new building being constructed downtown.

C: "Dad, what are they building there?"

Dad: "A new hotel."

C: "Why? There's nothing cool here!

- C (age ten)

Kids say the darndest things!

C: "I'm going to draw a picture of the devil." Dad: "Ok. What do you think he looks like?" C: "I think the devil is probably a girl." - C (age ten)

Kids say the darndest things!

C: "Dad, I'm trying to call my friend's house and it won't let me talk to her. All I get is this strange buzz buzz buzz!"

Dad (listening):  "Ah, that's a busy signal."

C: "What's a busy signal?"

- C (age ten)

Kids say the darndest things!

Conversation between Dad and C this morning:

Dad: "C, did you know that King Henry VIII was called "Henry the Eighth, by the Grace of God, King of England, France and Ireland, Defender of the Faith and of the Church of England and also of Ireland in Earth Supreme Head"?

C: "Wow. Why did he have to use so many words to describe himself?"

Dad: "I don't know. Probably to match his ego."

C: "What's an ego?"

Dad: "An ego is what you think of yourself. Someone who thinks they are better than everyone else can be said to have a large ego."

C: "Oh. You mean like the KKK? They think the white race is better than everyone else."

Dad: "Huh?"

- C (age ten)

Kids say the darndest things!

C, listening to episode 5 of "The Tudors", in which King Henry VIII berates his sister for marrying without his permission:

"Is that dude psycho?"

- C (age ten)

Kids say the darndest things!

C:  "Does Tim Burton only like dead stuff that is scary?"

Dad:  "Yep, that's pretty much the limit of his imagination.  He's an unfortunate soul isn't he?"

C:  "No.  It's cool!" 

- C (age ten)

Kids say the darndest things!

C: "Dad, did you ever have first communion?"

Dad: "Yes.  When I was young.  Why. Do you want to have first communion?"

C: "Yes."

Dad:  "Ok, why?"

C: "Because I'm curious what the bread tastes like."

- C (age ten)

Kids say the darndest things!

Dad:  "Hey, C, pull my finger."

C: "I can dislocate your finger if you want, but I'm not going to pull it."

- C (age ten)

Kids say the darndest things!

"Dad, I need you to understand that when I try really hard at something and then you and Mom say that even though it's very good I could do better, and then when I try harder and actually DO do better you still tell me it's not quite right - well, when that happens I have a mental reflex that IMMEDIATELY makes me try to defend myself. I think that's why I sometimes make you guys angry and that's not what I'm trying to do."

 - C (age ten, emphasis HERS)

Kids say the darndest things!

"Dad, I found a better way to cut the cheese if you're interested."

- C (cutting cheddar on the cheese board, age 10)

Kids say the darndest things!

Dad: "Do you know the show 'Lassie'?"

C: "Yeah but I don't like it very much. It's too predictable because they foreshadow WAY too much."

- C (age ten)

Kids say the darndest things!

Mom: "Would you rather be preppy or nerdy?"

C: "Nerdy but with cool clothes."

- C (age ten)

Kids say the darndet things!

"Let me guess. This is the one where we read everything they speak and the Chinese people can fly, right?"

- C (age 10)

Kids say the darndest things!

C, watching a Kansas video with dad, pointing to violinist Robby Steinhardt...

"That looks like Hagrid!"

- C (age 10)

And the master said...

"All has turned to vain ambition. He would even use his grief as a cloak."

- Gandalf the White

Kids say the darndest things!

"Dad, you're just like my math teacher - she hates chaos too."

- C (age nine)

Kids say the darndest things!

"I think I know where I want to work when I grow up. Either an engineering place or a spa."

- C (age nine)

Google says the darndest things!

Google translator:

English "The way of the intercepting kiss" to Chinese (simplified) is "拦截亲吻的方式"

Chinese "拦截亲吻的方式" to English is "Blocking the way to kiss".

Maybe this is why there is war?

Kids say the darndest things!

"I think I have a good recipe for a burrito in my head."

- C (eating pancakes)

Kids say the darndest things!

"Survival isn't a game it's just something you have to do."

C (age nine)

Kids say the darndest things!

"Dad, do you WANT me to shred you into little tiny blivions?"

- C (age nine)

Kids say the darndest things!

"My dad is a tom-girl."

- C (age nine)

...doesn't wish to reach 10 obviously... :)

Kids say the darndest things!

C: "So who won the poker game last night, Dad?"

Dad: "I was victorious!"

C: "Really? That's awesome, Dad. Usually it's Brad that wins."

- C (age nine)

Kids say the darndest things!

"Dad, is it opposite day? Because if it is you are saying exactly the right thing."

- C (age nine)

Kids say the darndest things!

"Hey Dad. Did you ever have that feeling where you think someone has a crush on you so you kinda want to show 'em what you got?"

- C (age nine)

I'm doomed.

Kids say the darndest things!

"Dad, did you know that everything is music? Except that sometimes it's just really really out of tune."

- C (age nine)

Kids say the darndest things!

Dad: "What is that a picture of?"

C: "It's Medusa."

Dad: "Oh. I thought it was a girl with dreadlocks."

C: "No, it's Medusa. It's just that all her snakes but one have feinted."

- C (age nine)