Kids say the darndest things.

C (watching mom and dad kiss in a restaurant): "Hey! Stop that. Don't kiss her here!"

Mommy: "Daddy can kiss me anywhere he wants."

C (pointing to her armpit): Not here!!

Love hurts!

When you decide to spice up your relationship by leaping into the bathroom dressed as a ninja just as she is exiting the shower, remember that an open stance and a frightened, cornered woman can be a very painful combination.

When I woke up she explained that the reason she had shaved my legs and dressed me up like a school girl was that the look goes better with my new voice.

Love hurts!

Just because your wife and/or girlfriend is cool enough to go to a strip club with you does not necessarily mean she's going to be cool with the suggestion that she wear the same perfume as Miss Honey Sweet.

I woke up with a strange ringing in my ears and the word "idiot" written backwards on my forehead...

Love hurts!

Her: "I don't want you love me for what's on the outside. I want you to love me for what's on the inside!"

Me: "But I do, hon! Why do you think I keep trying to get in there?"

When I woke up she was standing over me with a severely dented frying pan and a strange smile.

Kids say the darndest things!

"Dad! Did you just 'cut the cheese'? And was it the stinky bleu cheese?"

- C (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things!

Dad: "Ok, I'm gonna go throw myself in the shower. Be sure you're ready to go to school when I get back down stairs."

C: "How about I throw you in the shower?"

- C (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things!

Dad (singing the Elmer Fudd song in the morning): "Kill the wabbit..."

C: "Dad! Stop that, I don't like that song because it makes me think of you killing a bunny!"

Dad: "How am I going to have wabbit stew if I don't kill the wabbit?"

C: "You can't eat bunnies!"

Dad: "Sure you can. People eat wabbit stew all the time!"

C: "That's just RUDE. Cute little fuzzy bunnies..."

Dad: "Well, then it's a good thing for world cuisine that cows aren't cute."

C: "What's a 'cuisine' and why would I want one?"

- C (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things!

Dad: "So you want to get a haircut, hmm?"

C: "No, Dad. A hair trim!"

Dad: "Oh. Well that's ok then."

C: "Ok. Tell mom I said goodbye and I love her."

Dad: "Ok."



- C (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things!

"Look, Dad! My pinkness matches my pants!"

- C (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things!

Daddy sometimes lets C pound nails into scrap wood in the garage.

C: "Daddy, what do they call it when you're building things out of wood?"

Daddy: "It's called woodworking."

C (looking down at the strange configuration she has nailed together): "Oh. Well, this wood isn't working."

- C (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things!

"I like the way my shadow looks better than I do."

- C (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things!

C: "Dad, Spock is really smart. But not because he uses all the big words. It's 'cuz he uses logic."

Daddy: "Excellent. Captain Kirk is very smart too, did you know that?"

C: "Yeah, he's a genius, but he's CRAZY."

- C (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things!

Ok, this one needs some background. We ran out of TP today and C goes into the bathroom and, upon discovering this, issues the standard call for help: "DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!" I go in, find that we're actually completely out and give her a box of Puff's Ultra tissues (the kind with moisturizer), telling her to use these instead. I walk out, shut the door. 10 minutes later:

C: "DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!"

Daddy: "Yes, sweetie?"

C: "This feels really good on my butt!"

- C (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things!

"Sometimes I can feel the top of my head without even touching it!"

-C (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things!

C (pausing while riding her bike): "Hey Dad! Did you see me look both ways? I used my eyes!"

Dad: "Awesome! Don't forget to use your ears too!"

C: "Huh?"

- C (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things!

"Ready! Set! Leaf!!!"

- C (age eight) preparing to jump into a pile of leaves...

Kids say the darndest things!

"Dad, why does Spock use a whole bunch of big words and a whole bunch of big attitude and why does he always win the argument?"

- C (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things!

Mom: "You're SO dramatic."

C: "Well, it is YOU who gave me the GIFT of being DRAMATIC!"

(emphasis theirs)
- C (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things!

C: "Dad, if you sit still in peace and quiet, you can actually FEEL the Earth rotating!"

Daddy: "I see. What does it feel like?"

C: "You know, like you're spinning around or something."

- C (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things!

"That was cute, but unacceptable."

- C (age 8)