Kids say the darndest things!

"My dad is a tom-girl."

- C (age nine)

...doesn't wish to reach 10 obviously... :)

Kids say the darndest things!

C: "So who won the poker game last night, Dad?"

Dad: "I was victorious!"

C: "Really? That's awesome, Dad. Usually it's Brad that wins."

- C (age nine)

Kids say the darndest things!

"Dad, is it opposite day? Because if it is you are saying exactly the right thing."

- C (age nine)

Kids say the darndest things!

"Hey Dad. Did you ever have that feeling where you think someone has a crush on you so you kinda want to show 'em what you got?"

- C (age nine)

I'm doomed.

Kids say the darndest things!

"Dad, did you know that everything is music? Except that sometimes it's just really really out of tune."

- C (age nine)

Kids say the darndest things!

Dad: "What is that a picture of?"

C: "It's Medusa."

Dad: "Oh. I thought it was a girl with dreadlocks."

C: "No, it's Medusa. It's just that all her snakes but one have feinted."

- C (age nine)

Kids say the darndest things!

Dad: "Maybe you should be a professor when you grow up. I think you'd make a good teacher."

C: "I'd be a violent teacher, Dad."

- C (age nine)

Kids say the darndest things!

Conversation between my daughter C and I while listening to the 2nd movement of Eine Kleine Nachtmusik:

C: "Dad, you look like you're pushing imaginary buttons in the air."

Dad: "Yes, I'm listening to the countermelodies and moving my hands to them. Mozart was a musical genius."

C looks puzzled.

Dad: "A musical genius is one who creates music that really moves you deep inside and can do it more naturally than other people. Kind of like Lisa Bella Donna."

C: "Oh. Yes. But I think Lisa is a bit better though. I mean, she doesn't control a whole symphony and she's not as famous, but she also doesn't need to be famous to be happy. That's what I like about her."

- C (age nine)

Love Hurts!

My wife and I work at the same company and commute together. I often tease her about being slow. this morning is no exception.

Me: "Would you please hurry up? I'm usually of a mind to forego the pleasure of killing to maintain the general good humor, but today I am not so disposed."

Her: "That's ok. I can dispose of you easily."

Kids say the darndest things!

"Dude, that looks totally movie generated. It doesn't even look kind of real! It's like it's trying to dance or something!"

- C (age nine) watching the end stop-motion sequence of Terminator.

Kids say the darndest things!

C: "Dad, do you know a problem that all of us have?"

Dad: "No. What?"

C: "It's that we think that someone is doing something that we don't want them to do...and we don't ask them if that's really what they're doing."

Dad: "You are so right."

- C (age nine)

Kids say the darndest things!

"Dad, I cut and folded these napkins for Santa into isosceles triangles. But, I did it kind of quickly so some of them came out a bit scalene."

- C (age nine)

Kids say the darndest things!

Dad: "Better go to sleep. Santa's gonna be pretty upset if he gets here and you're still awake you know. After all he has to visit about half a billion households in one night!"

C: "Yes. That sounds entirely impossible, but apparently it's not."

- C (age nine)

Kids say the darndest things!

"Oops. My bad."

- God (C playing Pocket God)

Kids say the darndest things!

"Dad, I think I typed a whole paragraph already!"

- C (age nine), one hour after announcing she was going to sit down to write her first story

Kids say the darndest things!

"Of course geniuses make mistakes... Why do you think they're geniuses?"

- C (age nine)

Kids say the darndest things!

"Dad, do you believe in fictional creatures?"

- C (age nine)

Kids say the darndest things!

"I have the nicest dad in the galaxy and the meanest dad on the block!"

- C (age nine)

Kids say the darndest things!

As a father and a man, I have been known to occasionally "let one go". Today, I did so in a particularly quiet room with my youngest daughter present.

Daddy: "Oops, sorry."

C: "That's ok, Dad."

Daddy: "You are becoming a very compassionate young lady and I'm proud of you."

C: "What does 'compassionate' mean?

Daddy: "It means you forgive people their faults."

C: "Did you just say, 'forgive people their farts'?

- C (age nine)

Kids say the darndest things!

C: "Hey Dad, guess what?"

Dad: "What?"

C: "Today I started reading ARAGON. It's a book about THIS thick! (holding her hands about four inches apart, emphasis hers)

Dad: "Wow. I'm very proud of you."

C: "Well, I'm still on page two."

- C (age nine)