Apologies you never want to have to offer.

"Oh, 'Trip the light fantastic!' Sorry, I thought you said 'rip the tight elastic'."

Xan Shui
Philosophic Philanthropist, Honest Man

Kids say the darndest things!

Mom: "C, do you know what is the state tree of Ohio is?"

C: "Uh..."

Mom: "The Ohio State....."

C: "Buckeye!"

Mom: "Yes. And the state song is?"

C: "Uh... Let me see...The American Idol?"

- C (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things!

"Nobody eats poop except Nikki's dog..."

- C (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things!

C: "1 x 11 = 11. 2 x 11 = 22. 3 x 11 = 33..."

Mom: "C, do you see a pattern with multiplying times 11?"

C: "Uh...yeah...there's 11 more each time."

Dad: "Nice. That's a great pattern. I think mom means do you see another pattern?"

C: "Yes, I have to poop."

- C (age eight), M (genius), Dad (laughing his ass off)

Kids say the darndest things!

I asked C to write some song lyrics today. After explaining that song lyrics are the words that go with music, she immediately lit up. "Oh, ok, can I use your computer?" Here is what she typed in about 5 minutes:

My summer ends
by [C]

My summer ends and the peaceful night is through
I don’t know what to do ‘cause I’m stuck with you
Summer is the time when my snake had come to me
it turned out to be weird but she was satisfied with me
I had tried to make my move but I had to much summer to waste
and to much stuff to do
I had tried so many things other than try on my new bathing suite
But now it’s time the time it is Now
its time to make my summer end

(This song is afishely dedecated to my Mommy & to my Daddy).
I love you mom & dad!

Mom's say the darndest things!

M: "Have you started slicing the strawberries yet?"

Dad: "I'm done."

M: "Wow."

Dad: "Nothing takes a boy a long time."

M: "That's not true."

Dad: "Thanks!"

Mom's say the darndest things!

"Dude, there is NOTHING that can make my ass look lopsided..."

- M (genius)

Kids say the darndest things!

C: "Dad, what is the Holy Grail?"

Dad: "Well, it kind of depends upon your point of view. Do you know what that means?"

C: "Yeah, it's kind of like the difference between the Last Supper and the Last Dinner."

Dad: "Yep. X'actly."

- C (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things!

"Dad, this says that baldness is hair-de-tary"...

- C (age eight)

Love hurts!

Her: "We need to work together. We're a team and there's no 'I' in 'team'."

Me: "Well there's no 'U' in 'team' either!"

I woke up wondering where the hockey stick came from.

Kids say the darndest things!

Messin' with C.

Dad: "How are you doing, kitty?"

C: "Are you talking to me? I'm not a cat."

Dad: "Ok, let's check. Cats have two eyes, you have two eyes. Cats have one nose, you have one nose. Cats have two ears, you have two ears. See, you're a cat."

C: "Uh. Dad. Cats have big whiskers and I don't have big whiskers."

Dad: "Ah. You're right. You're not a cat."

C: "Right."

Dad: "...you're a cat who shaves."

C: "DAD! Look. Do I have a tail? Cats have tails!"

Dad: "Oh! You're right. You don't have a tail so you can't be a cat. You must be a gorilla!"

C: "DAD! You're driving me crazy! Look at me. Am I big and fat and hairy?"

Dad: "Yep."

C: "Well that's just plain mean and I'm not talking to you anymore."

- C (age eight) and Dad (age five) :)

Moms say the darndest things!

"I want to divide the roosters and egg-laying chickens from the non-egg-laying chickens."

- M (genius)

Kids say the darndest things!

C: "Hey! We have a mystery! My toothbrush is gone!"

Mommy: "I know where the toothbrush is."

C: "Ah, so YOU're the thief!"

- C (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things!

"Whoa! Snot does NOT taste good!"

- C (age eight, with a cold)

Kids say the darndest things!

C: "Dad, what does 'strict' mean?"

Dad: "Well, it's when someone sticks very closely to the rules."

C: "Oh. So 'strict' is a contraction for 'bossy and mean'?"

- C (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things!

Daddy (after having performed a few fake high-fives with C, missing intentionally): "Whoa! It's like you're a ghost or something! You're the ghost with the most!"

C: "No, I'm the ghost with the most French Toast!"

- C (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things!

Dad: "Hey C, can I do something inappropriate to Mom?"

C: "That's up to her."

Dad: "What?"

C: "Don't ask me. Ask her!"

- C (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things!

Dad: "Wow! You looked just like Gammaw when you did that!"

C: "Well, I'm not a redhead, I don't have short hair, I don't have pale skin and I'm not very old!"

- C (age eight)

Mom's say the darndest things!

"What the fuck planet are you living on people? Do you not have cable?"

- M (genius)

Kids say the darndest things!

C: "Dad, what does lamb taste like?"

Daddy: "Lamb tastes kind of like funky beef."

C: "Why would it want to dance?"

- C (age eight)