Love hurts!

Her: "We need to work together. We're a team and there's no 'I' in 'team'."

Me: "Well there's no 'U' in 'team' either!"

I woke up wondering where the hockey stick came from.

Kids say the darndest things!

Messin' with C.

Dad: "How are you doing, kitty?"

C: "Are you talking to me? I'm not a cat."

Dad: "Ok, let's check. Cats have two eyes, you have two eyes. Cats have one nose, you have one nose. Cats have two ears, you have two ears. See, you're a cat."

C: "Uh. Dad. Cats have big whiskers and I don't have big whiskers."

Dad: "Ah. You're right. You're not a cat."

C: "Right."

Dad: "...you're a cat who shaves."

C: "DAD! Look. Do I have a tail? Cats have tails!"

Dad: "Oh! You're right. You don't have a tail so you can't be a cat. You must be a gorilla!"

C: "DAD! You're driving me crazy! Look at me. Am I big and fat and hairy?"

Dad: "Yep."

C: "Well that's just plain mean and I'm not talking to you anymore."

- C (age eight) and Dad (age five) :)

Moms say the darndest things!

"I want to divide the roosters and egg-laying chickens from the non-egg-laying chickens."

- M (genius)

Kids say the darndest things!

C: "Hey! We have a mystery! My toothbrush is gone!"

Mommy: "I know where the toothbrush is."

C: "Ah, so YOU're the thief!"

- C (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things!

"Whoa! Snot does NOT taste good!"

- C (age eight, with a cold)

Kids say the darndest things!

C: "Dad, what does 'strict' mean?"

Dad: "Well, it's when someone sticks very closely to the rules."

C: "Oh. So 'strict' is a contraction for 'bossy and mean'?"

- C (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things!

Daddy (after having performed a few fake high-fives with C, missing intentionally): "Whoa! It's like you're a ghost or something! You're the ghost with the most!"

C: "No, I'm the ghost with the most French Toast!"

- C (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things!

Dad: "Hey C, can I do something inappropriate to Mom?"

C: "That's up to her."

Dad: "What?"

C: "Don't ask me. Ask her!"

- C (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things!

Dad: "Wow! You looked just like Gammaw when you did that!"

C: "Well, I'm not a redhead, I don't have short hair, I don't have pale skin and I'm not very old!"

- C (age eight)

Mom's say the darndest things!

"What the fuck planet are you living on people? Do you not have cable?"

- M (genius)

Kids say the darndest things!

C: "Dad, what does lamb taste like?"

Daddy: "Lamb tastes kind of like funky beef."

C: "Why would it want to dance?"

- C (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things.

Pocket God is a game for the iPhone in which you play the role of "God" with respect to a small island populated by pygmies. You can make new pygmies, feed them, give them shelter, make tidal waves, control the weather and night and day, throw them off the island and a host of other benevolent or not-so-benevolent actions while they go about their business. It's really cute and C loves playing it.

Daddy: "So you're pretty good at that game. What's your secret?"

C: "I just try to leave an even amount of people dead."

- C (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things.

Daddy (observing C pushing as hard as she can on a closed door): "C, why are you pushing on that door?"

C: "No clue."

- C (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things!

Yesterday we had dinner at a local restaurant. It was very cold and snowy. There was a frozen puddle in front of the door of the establishment that I asked her to watch out for. Walking home, I reminded her of the ice by the door and later had to warn her not to step in a large puddle that had formed in the parking lot.

C: "Dad, if it's cold enough to freeze water outside, why is the puddle by the door frozen and the puddle in the parking lot not frozen?"

Dad: "That's a really good question. I'm not sure I know the answer."

C: "I knew you were going to say that."

Dad: "Oh really. How did you know that?"

C: "Because that's what you always say when I ask a REALLY good question."

- c (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things!

C: "I can spell big words."

Daddy: "No you can't."

C: "Yes I can. A-S-T-R-O-L-O-G-I-C-A-L - astrological."

Daddy: "That's a big word."

C: "Can you spell 'oops'?"

- C (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things!

(looking at the TV)

"Oh! Astronauts! I sooooo want that job! And I also want to be a poet! And I also want to be a singer! And I also want to be a teacher! Ohhhhh! There are SO many cool things to do!"

- C (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things!

"I love this one movie with Jackie Chan! It's called 'Shanghai Noon'. I think that's Chinese."

- C (age eight)

Kids say the darndest things!

"No no no, Darth Vader, you are going to have to wait. Your ship isn't done yet. And NO choking your son!"

- C (age eight), talking to a miniature Darth Vader while putting together the Lego Darth Vader Tie Fighter she got for Christmas.